So....you're all wondering how my DATE went with Martin last night? Well it was..magical!
Martin told me all about himself: he's a music producer and has just finished producing Nelly Futaro's latest album 'I'm a Hoe Bag: Come Over Here', which is set to be released in June. He lives in Chalk Farm and drives an Audi TT. Overall he's a bit of catch. Not that I'm really into all that kind of stuff you realise, I mean I'm generally highly non-materialistic. When I grow up I want to live on a farm.
We went to this adorable Chinese in China Town and I was really enjoying my dim sum, reminiscing about the old times at Downing College, CAMBRIDGE, when all of a sudden there was a bad smell and I looked up to see Gerald (my ex) entering the room with some pubescent blond (wearing a backpack) on his arm. You can imagine my…ANGER!
I immediately feigned a headache and Martin and I left. But Gerald did not get away that easily- oh no.
I pretended I had left my scarf inside and when I returned I walked right up to Gerald’s table and tipped an entire bowl of prawn crackers all over his head, squishing some into his eyes. I then screamed:
“I hate you Gerald you wanker! The fact that you have the gall to show your measly, squirming face in a nice Chinese like this where people come to eat really does seal your fate as one of the cheapest people I have ever met! Just die you repulsive piece of shit!”
The blonde started to cry and a waiter grabbed my arm, I think someone called 999, but I just had to get it off my...my...chest.
So you can imagine my embarrassment when I turned round to see Martin standing right behind me, jaw dropped.
I explained, we had a DMC (deep meaningful conversation) and he really understands what I’m going through. It turns out Martin is actually divorced: he found his wife cheating on him. I didn’t want to pry, because I'm so sensitive, but it turns out that she was sleeping with her gynecologist: I KNOW.
So yes lady readers love might finally be blossoming for Posie... At the end of the night he walked me home and we kissed! But after only a couple of seconds of mouth to mouth Martin felt something wet on his left and I looked down to see Emmeline Pankhurst (my cat) pissing on his trousers. When I asked her what she was doing she told me to "piss off" and then proceeded to laugh at her own joke for about five minutes. I think she was drunk. She really is acting very strangely these days and I have a sneaky feeling that she doesn't like Martin, which is strange, because Martin is literally the nicest guy ever…
But on a more negative note check out this abysmal article (click below) in The Times by Zoe Lewis who wants to live in her kitchen and has abandoned her feminist roots (silly b***h). I am scheduled to go and see her awful play 'For the Very First Time' starring Sadie (yuk) Frost in a few weeks. I shall pack some mouldy tampons to throw at the rotten bunch.
Plus check out this incredible (new, for once, I know, I am traditionally a traditionalist) book Wetlands by Charlotte Roche:
Of course I have not been shaving my armpits long before her. I also think my art-short 'blood soaked tampon et al' (please see the subject headings >) goes much further to probe the underbelly of female vaginality, puberty and eventual corporeal determinationism.
数多くの出会い掲示板を教えてくれるような仲介サイトで確認してみるのがお薦めです - 結婚を見据えたしっかりした出会いのチャンスを増やしたければ、実際に結婚相談所を訪れたり、婚活イベントや、地域限定の街コンへの出席といった事が挙げられますが、ちょっと苦手だなという人にも一押しなのが誰でも簡単に始められる [...]
7 hours ago