I'm trying to reposition my views on love, men etc. after the Tim debacle (real name Tom, I changed it for that absurd 'These characters are entirely fictitious thing' they wanted to put at the front of my book. They are not fictitious, they are me, Tom and my... oh you know the rest!)
I am an independent, modern woman. I can fulfill myself in countless ways ranging from sexual to personal. Like Ally McBeal, "I don't need a man, I want one!" But not like her of course, she was a bulimic madden, a talking turd, a boil-in-the-bag-bunny bitch-face.
Besides, I get the impression Martin's a bit of a feminist in the making. He's a music producer and he studied English Literature which means he's really sensitive. In fact we only met was because he stumbled upon my book 'The Suffragettes: Why?' while browsing on Amazon.co.uk
He even pointed out a couple of my favourite passages in The Golden Notebook which I had to hand on our first date! Clever Martin! There's definitely more to him than meets the eye.
Of course he has been married in the past, no doubt to some clingy post-feminist type. Well I shall never marry! Curses and horror! He'd better bring a bucket and some ice to our date if he's going to propose to me so I can put his head in it!
In fact two more of my lady friends got engaged in the last week (!) I am so bloody annoyed. I have maintained radio silence since I received Bryony's vile card and text from India at midnight (had he just proposed?) Within half an hour they'd changed their Facebook status to engaged. Shouldn't they have been copulating? Do you expect ME, Posie bloody Rider, feminist, activist and all round woman to congratulate you Bryony for finding some douche bag to cohabit with you silly bitch?
I am having a series of cards printed so I can deal with these sorts of events in the future. I call them Posie's sympathy cards. They have this image on the front.
The inside reads 'YOU'RE MAKING A MASSIVE MISTAKE."
And for any for all my lady readers who aren't shacking up with the first boy who weally weally likes ooo, here's a Valentine's Day card. Don't print it, save the trees!!
PS I am SO happy!