24 Apr 2008

WAGS - What's that all about then?

While the struggle to wrest back artistic control from Paramount goes on and a haunch of the finest venison Borough Market has to offer rots in my larder (that's right sisters, I cancelled my dinner with Gerald at the last minute, a gal's got to do what a gal's got to do) I am at least being kept livid by the developments in 'wag' culture. I only found out about all this wag business last week, apparently they are tall long-nailed violent types, prone to tears and Bacardi Breezer-fuelled aggression who can only be summarised as (dare I use the word?) women in a primordial state of development, barely formed, like those fossils you get - but squishy. Check this out sisters, you are not going to believe it!


What's worse, FHM has just released it's vile cunt-bashing 100 hottest women list, an annual attack on any woman with a beautiful brain who doesn't need to show off her legs to use it. Bafflingly, this year Kirstie Allsop, the larger lady from Location..etc has made the list this year, and I was surprised to find the comment below (made by a WOMAN) on the Daily (clit-robbing) Mail's website:

Fantastic to see Kirsty in here. At long last a real women with real curves who is actually intelligent as well!

This (alleged) woman has clearly missed the point that appreciating a curvaceous intelligent woman as a sexual object is still REDUCING a curvaceous intelligent woman to a mere sexual object, henceforth not revolutionary, henceforth still massively sexist. Honestly, if I have to put up with any more of this post-Feminist crap...

23 Apr 2008

Posie's Appeal

Ok I've calmed down now with a bottle of gin and a horlics. But this can't go into production: its an entire misrepresentation of the very meaning of 'Me Tim and My Quim'! That novel was my life's work and if Paramount think I'm going to just take this lying down (like a Post Feminist) they are highly mistaken.

I've already called my solicitor friend Henry who works at Freshfields and apparently I don't stand a chance in hell of stopping production because I sold the rights. But I think Fred is slightly wounded by my rebuff: he proposed back in 1999 but, alas, I refused him. It would never have worked- he was a lawyer, I was a woman.

My friends still insist that he never actually offered to marry, that he was simply playing around with a Hola Hoop and I didn't have my glasses on. Oh but I was not so blind as to not see that look of love in his eyes. It's all to make Fred feel better (whoops did I say Fred? I meant Henry. My solicitor friend is definitely called Henry. One can never be too careful when it comes to privacy over the internet).

So I don't know if I can trust Fred. Does anyone out there have an idea aboout how I might 'sort this out'?

I am so f*cking angry!

This you will not believe!

I have just spoken to the dithering, snake tongued little receptionist (probably) at Paramount who has informed me that APPARENTLY they have found it necessary to change the title of my novel to the absurd 'Me, Ted and my Head' in order to attract 'a wider audience'. Apparently modern audiences are unable to deal with the psycho-sexual problems of Women, they've decided to cut most of the sexual content altogether and have turned my ("brave" - Femme Magazine, "achingly familiar and honest" - I've Lost My Arm!) novel into an anodyne chick flick!!
I am so f*cking angry!! I can't even write now.


I'm a little confused... The title on the first page seems to be wrong, it says 'Me, Ted and my Head'. I'm calling the studio.

Dinner tonight!

So, I just got back from Borough Market, and I've bought this fabulous piece of venison. I'm going to cook it tonight for Gerald, a man I've sort of been seeing for a few weeks now (I've changed his name of course, he's actually called Robert) Being a Feminist and career woman, with the pressure of a two book deal and an upcoming movie starring (fingers crossed!) Matthew McConnaughy, it has been hard to find men who don't find my achievements somewhat intimidating. Par for the course! Robert seems like one of the enlightened, he works in Post-Production so is creative and sensitive - definitely my kind of guy.

Oooh also you'll be excited to hear that the draft screenplay for M, T& Q (Me, Tim & my Quim, abbreviated) has just come through the front door by COURIER. I'm going to put the venison in the larder and read it now; what with Hilary winning the primaries, Gerald coming round later for dinner and now the writing of a young Female writer being taken seriously by an international film company, I think I might be having the best day a gal could wish for!

A women for all seasons

I must congratulate Ms Clinton for winning Pennsylvania primaries.

However, I am shocked and appalled by the Democrats behaviour. Putting pressure on poor Hillary to quit the race is just inexcusable. I mean hasn't she got enough to think about? She's running for President for god's sake.

And why is the Party doing this? Because she's a woman. But then others say she struggles to maintain her sense of femininity entirely. Well I say: MAKE UP YOUR MIND AMERICA!

If I were Hillary I would be forced to orate the problem quite vocally:

"My God America what do you want from me? My vagina AND a penis I don't have? Screw you all. Oh wait a minute, I can't, because I don't have any genitalia, you took it from me!"

You see readers such is the problem of women in power: we are tough and strong like trees, but we also must coat ourselves with little pink blossoms to look pretty.* Well not Posie Rider- I am vine. I am ivy. I am evergreen.

*Flower, name for the specialized part of a plant containing the reproductive organs, applied to angiosperms only. A flower may be thought of as a modified, short, compact branch bearing lateral appendages. Like twigs, flowers develop from buds, and the basic floral parts (sepal, petal, stamen, and carpel) are in actual fact greatly modified leaves.

Please note the use of phallic language ('branch' 'short' 'lateral') to define an essentially feminine quality ('floral parts'). The comparison of flowers to twigs is totally unfounded: it equates the power of a woman's quim with that of a small penis. I deduce:

Q: 'Is a clitoris just a small penis?'

Over and out gals!

21 Apr 2008

Me, Tim and my Quim

So, readers, great news! I've just had a call from Paramount (Studios, America) about the movie; they're hoping to push ahead into pre-production soon, I'm not entirely sure what that means but they've asked me to have a look over the screenplay they've put together, just to check that I'm totally happy with it. I've heard so many writers complaining about production companies wresting artistic control from them as soon as they've bought the film rights, but in my case that has absolutely NOT been a problem. I guess it depends on the writer...

For those of you who haven't read Me, Tim and my Quim, I should give you the 'low-down'. It's a psychoanalytic tale about a woman, Rosie Pyder, who has a series of psycho-sexual 'break-downs' and decides enough is enough, so employs a psycho-sexual therapist, Tim, to help her work through her sexual and psychic problems. When the novel was first published, the title itself came under some very unenlightened criticism because of the titular use of the word Quim, which is totally NOT a taboo word and wouldn't have caused half as much controversy if it had been something like cock or sphincter. I was also accused of passing off verbatum a series of real life psycho-sexual interviews as fiction, but this is very naive. Of course the novel has autobiographical elements ('Write what you know', as Thomas Hardy said) but this is unavoidable, and lots of things in the novel are pure fiction. For example Rosie marries Tim, but this of course never happened to Jim and I.
Warning to all Women!

I call on you not to respond to the vile adverts Avon (cunt killer) cosmetics are bringing out next week! They are really bad because those women that sell us lipstick are just undermining our bodies. Yes i have a body, I'm perfectly happy with my body. But I AM NOT perfectly happy with my brain.

Sell me brain lipstick- books and puzzles and rap. I will happily buy it from you at my door, you with your silly silly little basket. But do not leave out my brain!

Women should start thinking about their heads more than their faces.

18 Apr 2008

My Writing

I've told you I'm a writer.

"But where's the proof?"I hear you ask!

Unlike many writers, I do in fact have a two book deal with the Virago Press, and have been in collaboration with Persephone Books for many years. My publications to date include:

The Suffragettes - Why? ("Trite" - TLS)

Notes on the Diaries of Judith Coalstream ("Chick lit does the 1930s - jazz, jazz jazz!" -Cosmopolitan magazine)

Women: What's that all about? ("Better than a slap in the face with a stick" - Prospect magazine)

Me, Tim and my Quim - a Novel ("Pwoar, a groundbreaking debut - not bad for a bird" - Nuts)

I've sold the film rights to the last: I'm currently in talks with Paramount (who really want my artisitc input). It's only in the early stages, but some names have been bandied around! Cameron Diaz and, gasp, Matthew McConaughey (!!!) but you didn't here it here (on MY blog) ok? I'm trying not to get too excited, but I promise to keep you posted.

I am an avid writer and unwilling to rest on my laurels. I'm currently researching my latest historical endeavour - "Put That Woman Down!" - charting the development of the Feminist movement from the Ancient civilisation of Ur, through to the 1970s.

A grand endeavour, you might rightly say!

I think it's important for Feminists now to constantly re-examine the past, to trace continuities where there were none before, to go where no WOman has gone before, or to go where women have gone before, but weren't allowed to speak.

Introduction - Who am I?

Virginia Woolf once said "What is there to write after Proust?" and well I say what is Proust to write after Proust? OR what is Proust to write after Virginia Woolf?

I've never read any Proust, but I have read books, and I've written some, and I'm going to write some more. I am a writer, my name is Posie Rider. THIS is my blog.

Critics and academics throw all kinds of terms around - writer, lady-writer, feminist, post-feminist, lesbian, journo, hack - I've heard them all! Often, these so-called 'critical terms' are just veiled forms of attack, like when Wole Soyinka called me a vapid sermonising bitch on Newsnight Review. I don't let things like that get me down, I just keep on writing: exploring femininity, emancipating women from tired domestic servitude and the chains of sexuality - I mean what is sexuality really anyway apart from a masculine construction? If there weren't men, would there REALLY even be women?

Food for thought sisters... and NOT just a salad.

16 Apr 2008