Ok I've calmed down now with a bottle of gin and a horlics. But this can't go into production: its an entire misrepresentation of the very meaning of 'Me Tim and My Quim'! That novel was my life's work and if Paramount think I'm going to just take this lying down (like a Post Feminist) they are highly mistaken.
I've already called my solicitor friend Henry who works at Freshfields and apparently I don't stand a chance in hell of stopping production because I sold the rights. But I think Fred is slightly wounded by my rebuff: he proposed back in 1999 but, alas, I refused him. It would never have worked- he was a lawyer, I was a woman.
My friends still insist that he never actually offered to marry, that he was simply playing around with a Hola Hoop and I didn't have my glasses on. Oh but I was not so blind as to not see that look of love in his eyes. It's all to make Fred feel better (whoops did I say Fred? I meant Henry. My solicitor friend is definitely called Henry. One can never be too careful when it comes to privacy over the internet).
So I don't know if I can trust Fred. Does anyone out there have an idea aboout how I might 'sort this out'?