21 Mar 2009

More misogyny pollutes my weekend

I thought a nice long bubble bath with Emmeline a copy of D E Stevenson's delightful Miss Buncle's Book (1934) would cheer me up after having spent a fuming afternoon drafting, signing and posting my letter to Ricky Gervais' dastardly agent. I was wrong.

Playing violently upon my disordered mind was further misogyny that I'd innocently encountered on the television in the ad break between sliding doors. The two newest attacks on my piece are:

a) the new Lynx 'Bullet' adverts in which a creepy teenage boy looks at attractive women walking past, blinks, and the women suddenly is in her knickers and bra. He blinks again, realising he's not wearing his 'Lynx' today and thus will not be able to have sex with her, then her clothes magically re-appear. He sighs.

The ad line: 'Never miss a chance'. The subtext - 'Never miss a chance to perve on or rape a woman'.

b) Lesbian Vampire Killers, a disgusting new film starring the talentless chavs from Gav and Stacey in which they - guess what - kill lesbians! It's like a 21st century witch dunking! This sort of thing hasn't been seen in Europe since 1647! Honestly, I know I will never see this film, but just the thought of these two gormless greasers rubbing their thighs against lascivious totty before driving a stake between their enormous breasts fills me with unstructurable jitters.

This film is actually almost nothing to do with the hapless pair, having been peddled around the industry since the early noughties by producers ready to pounce on the first duo of stars in enough financial mire to accept the parts. It's undoubtedly going to ruin their careers, and really I should feel sorry for them...but who has the patience?
Here's to the general re-release of Teeth!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Let's try again...

    ... I was too rude the first time...

    I would like to point out that Lesbian Vampire Killers is actually a wonderful film full of spiritual and psychological insights into the human condition, maturation, mortality, love, life, loss and death. If Ingmar Bergman had directed it you would be praising it. Plus it gave me the bone on whenever any of the bevy of beautiful busty bootlicious babes were in shot, especially when partly clad. Hey girls! Come and impale yourselves on my throbbing stake any time you like!

    You admire Sarte and De Beauvoir, who were unreconstructed sluts in their personal lives fucking everything they could that crossed their paths be they male, female, boy, girl, student - the whole gamut of humanity - and yet you're down on a contemporary masterpiece of modern cinema like Lesbian Vampire Killers.

    Where will it end?

  3. Your comment critiques itself, Prospero (another literary chuavinist), I shan't waste more time. Thank you for dropping by though, if you keep leaving comments like this I shall have to stop posting - chauvinism will destroy itself through it's own ghastly logic. What WOULD Marx say??

  4. Marx said: To be is to do.

    Sartre said: To do is to be.

    I say: Do be do be do!

  5. This is my last visit to your blog and I'm only making it to apologise if I upset you by my comments. They were supposed to be funny not insulting. And that's all I wanted to say.

    Have a wonderful life.

  6. Prospero, I do hope not! Come back! I'm far too attractive and fabulous to be offended by a mere internet avatar. Who or whatever you are, you're welcome here.