26 Feb 2009

Yet More Sexism

So. this is just a taster of the overt sexism that exists today. I personally have been on the receiving end of this with Martin and his demon son, Josh. They took me out the other day to get some plastic bed sheets, because Josh kept pissing himself. Martin had gone to find a mop and Josh needed the loo (obv) and HE insisted on going into the ladies WITH ME! So us women are lesser than you then Josh- you little shit. You can just wonder into the ladies with your pants down flashing. But I'm allowed o where near the MEN'S loos.

I hate you Josh, hate you hate you. Death.

P.S Melody decided to abort.

19 Feb 2009

The Kick Arse Bitches Season

'Darling Do You Love Me?' 1968

In a hugely entertaining parody of her media persona, a pre-Female Eunuch Germaine Greer stars as a terrifyingly amorous woman who alternately cajoles, pursues and assaults a mild little man with cries of "Darling, do you love me?" until he succumbs to her strangling hands. The directors were well known for their work in graphic design in the late Sixties: Sharp for his ferocious cartoons in the satirical magazine Oz, Whittaker for his photography on various Beatles album covers. But the main joy here is Greer - as barking as you could possibly hope for, and all the more endearing for it.

15 Feb 2009

Valentines Day NIGHTMARE


All of the above.

Martin has a SON.

You heard it right, lady readers. A bloody 8 year old bouncy baby boy with bloody blond ringlets, a checked shirt and a bloody skateboard. His name is Jake. I haven't been this upset since Tim had me sectioned.

I'm writing this now because It's taken me this long to sober up. I tried to write a blog post yesterday but was so upset I had to get drunk immediately.

It all started innocently enough. He came to pick me up at my northlondonflat at 6.30 on Valentines Day. It seemed a little early, but I assumed he wanted to get me drunk before bowling, so went along without question. Little did I know it was in order to coincide with his EX WIFE dropping off the little urchin at the bowling alley. We'd barely arrived when he said "Wait a minute Posie," terribly casually, as if he had just dropped a pen or something or was going to fetch a bunch of flowers from the boot of his car. Then, in a flash, the boy appeared and was up in his arms, skateboard and all, being spun around. I assumed Martin was being attacked by a yob or something (do they still have yobs? Oh I don't know) so I clubbed the child with my handbag, which was really not the right thing to do at all. All the pieces fell into place as Martin was rubbing the bump on Jake's head, and as I turned to the car park I saw her (the ex) whizzing away on a bloody baby blue scooter, apparently to a date with her boyfriend. Martin's face contracted in a really bizarre way when he said this, and Jake just wouldn't stop crying, so I went inside for a touch up (touch eclat and a line) and waited for them.

Instead of wine we drank COCA COLA. Instead of the Indian Snacks Platter we had the American Diner Platter. So tasteless. Is this what happens when you have kids? Martin seemed so sophisticated and mature before, and there he was offering me pick and mix and helping Jake colour in! Jake's a little pest. He clearly has me marked out as some kind of fairy step-mother, he kept coming and nuzzling me and trying to 'involve me'. I thought step-kids were supposed to be really resentful of their parents' new lovers, and after clobbering him with my handbag I'd have expected him to have got the hint. Has nobody introduced this child to punk music, or whatever they have nowadays, emo?

For his birthday I'm going to buy him a copy of Catcher in the Rye, and if that doesn't work, some weed.

I will have Martin, with Jake...or without.

14 Feb 2009

Me, Tim and my Quim: the Soundtrack

Hey gals! I thought in honour of Me Tim and My Quim, aka Me, Ted and My Head going into production I'd post some music videos of the songs that inspired the movie! Yay! Here's one of my favourite classics from Shakespeare's Sister (from Virgina Woolf no doubt). PLEASE WATCH IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

My love for Tim often felt like the battle between the good and bad. It felt a lot like this video, only Tim didn't wake up in my arms, he was in a coma for several months actually. Melody once told me that when I get angry I actually have the same mad look in my eyes! Watch it, you'll see what I mean...

13 Feb 2009

Valentines Day, Me and Martin and love to all Women

News just in! Martin and I are going on a special bowling trip for Valentines Day! It's SO exciting. He's so kooky like that. He called me up this morning, sounding all gravelly voiced like, sort of like he'd been smoking and drinking heavily actually, and just asked me...just like that! Will let you know all!

I'm trying to reposition my views on love, men etc. after the Tim debacle (real name Tom, I changed it for that absurd 'These characters are entirely fictitious thing' they wanted to put at the front of my book. They are not fictitious, they are me, Tom and my... oh you know the rest!)

I am an independent, modern woman. I can fulfill myself in countless ways ranging from sexual to personal. Like Ally McBeal, "I don't need a man, I want one!" But not like her of course, she was a bulimic madden, a talking turd, a boil-in-the-bag-bunny bitch-face.

Besides, I get the impression Martin's a bit of a feminist in the making. He's a music producer and he studied English Literature which means he's really sensitive. In fact we only met was because he stumbled upon my book 'The Suffragettes: Why?' while browsing on Amazon.co.uk

He even pointed out a couple of my favourite passages in The Golden Notebook which I had to hand on our first date! Clever Martin! There's definitely more to him than meets the eye.

Of course he has been married in the past, no doubt to some clingy post-feminist type. Well I shall never marry! Curses and horror! He'd better bring a bucket and some ice to our date if he's going to propose to me so I can put his head in it!

In fact two more of my lady friends got engaged in the last week (!) I am so bloody annoyed. I have maintained radio silence since I received Bryony's vile card and text from India at midnight (had he just proposed?) Within half an hour they'd changed their Facebook status to engaged. Shouldn't they have been copulating? Do you expect ME, Posie bloody Rider, feminist, activist and all round woman to congratulate you Bryony for finding some douche bag to cohabit with you silly bitch?

I am having a series of cards printed so I can deal with these sorts of events in the future. I call them Posie's sympathy cards. They have this image on the front.


And for any for all my lady readers who aren't shacking up with the first boy who weally weally likes ooo, here's a Valentine's Day card. Don't print it, save the trees!!



Love Posie xxx

PS I am SO happy!

12 Feb 2009

11 Feb 2009

The Kick Arse Bitches Season

Here is one of the most incredible ladies of all time. It't Scarlet: the original kick arse bitch. Did she give up when the other one was crying having a baby? No. Did she flunk when all the other women were moaning about their nails? No. Did she stay an obedient woman who did not use men for thier matieral means? No.

I hail thee earth mother!

10 Feb 2009

Feminist Art: Part 1

I thought I'd give you a little glimpse at the world of feminist art. To begin I would like to draw your attention to the SHOCKING fact that women are all too often EXPLOITED in the art world.

Diana, Daphne, to name just a few. For instance I was looking at the great blog by Daphne P http://daphnep.livejournal.com/
I was shocked to see the following flagellation of Botticelli's "Birth of Venus" for sale at the Thorvaldsen Museum in Copenhagen.

You'd have to be as thick as Germaine Greer's ears not to spot the difference.

9 Feb 2009

Great Article!


Read the above- puts a line through post-feminism. We need visions not lipstick!

Sarah Maple

Hail! I have always been a fan of Sarah Maple. Being primarily a writer (avec cat) it meant that I could never really do the whole 'photographing myself' thing.

My favourite is her collection of 'Cocks'- I have included some of my favourites below:

What is the cock but some inanimate object that only moves when WE make it move? You are pathetic ye cock, little little willy.

'Young Persons Rail Cock'

'Champs Cock'

Update: Me Ted and My Head (Tim and My Quim)...

News from LA!
Matthew is apparently LOVING the script. He and Cameron Diaz (the leading Lady- who remains nameless in honour of 'Rebecca', although bears a striking resemblance to moi-self) rehearsed the first sexual psychotherapy scene yesterday.
It's the session when I, sorry, I mean 'the heroine', throws an electric vibrator into a fish tank, electrocuting the fish. It was really funny because when Cameron threw it in the tank the water went everywhere and Matthew got wet!
He is growing a moustache to get into the part (Tim had a beard you see, before I shaved it off when he was sleeping).

Join the OBJECT campaign!

Please lady readers, get involved! We need to help our scantily clad stripping sistas! This is just the campaign to get involved with:

We live in a society where we are constantly told ‘equality has gone too far’, where the public are not aware of the high levels of discrimination and violence UK women still face (with 1 in 3 women experiencing male violence according to Amnesty International and even the Government’s own statistics). And where the understanding of the reasons for that violence (attitudes towards women and about what it means to be a man) is of course going to be far out of the grasp of the general public."
- OBJECT Website.

They have meetings every month! Please check out the site and sign up! http://www.object.org.uk/

Come on Woman!

Yet more unacceptable behaviour. Hillary deserved better.

5 Feb 2009

Dangerous dates and leaping vaginas!

So....you're all wondering how my DATE went with Martin last night? Well it was..magical!

Martin told me all about himself: he's a music producer and has just finished producing Nelly Futaro's latest album 'I'm a Hoe Bag: Come Over Here', which is set to be released in June. He lives in Chalk Farm and drives an Audi TT. Overall he's a bit of catch. Not that I'm really into all that kind of stuff you realise, I mean I'm generally highly non-materialistic. When I grow up I want to live on a farm.

We went to this adorable Chinese in China Town and I was really enjoying my dim sum, reminiscing about the old times at Downing College, CAMBRIDGE, when all of a sudden there was a bad smell and I looked up to see Gerald (my ex) entering the room with some pubescent blond (wearing a backpack) on his arm. You can imagine my…ANGER!

I immediately feigned a headache and Martin and I left. But Gerald did not get away that easily- oh no.

I pretended I had left my scarf inside and when I returned I walked right up to Gerald’s table and tipped an entire bowl of prawn crackers all over his head, squishing some into his eyes. I then screamed:

“I hate you Gerald you wanker! The fact that you have the gall to show your measly, squirming face in a nice Chinese like this where people come to eat really does seal your fate as one of the cheapest people I have ever met! Just die you repulsive piece of shit!”

The blonde started to cry and a waiter grabbed my arm, I think someone called 999, but I just had to get it off my...my...chest.

So you can imagine my embarrassment when I turned round to see Martin standing right behind me, jaw dropped.

I explained, we had a DMC (deep meaningful conversation) and he really understands what I’m going through. It turns out Martin is actually divorced: he found his wife cheating on him. I didn’t want to pry, because I'm so sensitive, but it turns out that she was sleeping with her gynecologist: I KNOW.

So yes lady readers love might finally be blossoming for Posie... At the end of the night he walked me home and we kissed! But after only a couple of seconds of mouth to mouth Martin felt something wet on his left and I looked down to see Emmeline Pankhurst (my cat) pissing on his trousers. When I asked her what she was doing she told me to "piss off" and then proceeded to laugh at her own joke for about five minutes. I think she was drunk. She really is acting very strangely these days and I have a sneaky feeling that she doesn't like Martin, which is strange, because Martin is literally the nicest guy ever…

But on a more negative note check out this abysmal article (click below) in The Times by Zoe Lewis who wants to live in her kitchen and has abandoned her feminist roots (silly b***h). I am scheduled to go and see her awful play 'For the Very First Time' starring Sadie (yuk) Frost in a few weeks. I shall pack some mouldy tampons to throw at the rotten bunch.


Plus check out this incredible (new, for once, I know, I am traditionally a traditionalist) book Wetlands by Charlotte Roche:

Of course I have not been shaving my armpits long before her. I also think my art-short 'blood soaked tampon et al' (please see the subject headings >) goes much further to probe the underbelly of female vaginality, puberty and eventual corporeal determinationism.

1 Feb 2009

Kick Arse Bitches Season

Do YOU have no shame? A sexually liberated woman Barbie knows what she wants. She confounds female construct, challenges gender normative judgements and stuff like that. BAAAAAARBRELLLAAAA!

Toodles xx

Matthew McConaughey

Hi gals! Me, Tim and my Quim (aka Me, Ted and my Head) is finally going into production this week in LA. They're also going to be filming on location in N1! I am SO excited. Here's a little video of Matthew, who pays the lead Ted, to get you in the mood!

PLUS I have a date on Tuesday with Martin. To think only a few months ago I was sectioned and now look at me!

I expect Newsnight Review will want to do an interview. I shall refuse of course (I hate you Kirsty Wark).