Girls Smash, Grrls Riotous!

I don't know if anyone saw this - The Daily Male's Hi-Larious reportage on last week's student protests in London: it went under the headline Young, bright and pretty: The day girl students went to war over tuition fees... and the pupils who just wanted a photo for Facebook

Yes, you can see where this is going. Some highlights:

"among the thousands of people who brought chaos to Westminster yesterday, a remarkable turn-out of well-dressed, well-spoken teenage girls swelled the ranks."

"If you had seen them in their short skirts and trendy scarves, you might have thought that a few chants and a bit of banner-waving would be the limit. But almost as soon as some mindless thugs began trashing a police van abandoned in the middle of Whitehall, the girls went into battle."

It wasn’t quite Cheltenham Ladies College, but several of these girls, it emerged, were from respectable schools and decent homes."

"Had this been a girls’ schools winter camp somewhere, it would probably have been quite fun. But somehow the backdrop of the Houses of Parliament – not to mention the police corralling these youngsters with thousands of hooligans, yobbos and criminally minded troublemakers – lent it a rather different beat."

"What made it different was the feminine touch, if that is the right phrase to describe so many young female faces joining the rebellion."

The reasons for the Mail's confusion can be isolated to three main issues. These are:

1) the class
2) the sex
3) and the attractiveness of the protesters.

"Why," asks the Mail, "would a pretty person be unhappy? Why, indeed, would anyone who had gone to the trouble to buy a nice scarf have cause for complaint? What luck if you are a girl, to have a fine face and bright disposition! Your parents are already proud of you, and one day they will offer you to a man along with a good dowry, and he will take care of you. But wait, you want to go to University first? I suppose Kate Middleton did it and it didn't do her any harm, she met a Prince after all, and she was only middle class to start off with! In fact, it is imperative for you to go to University my sweet."

"BUT WAIT! Government cuts slashing arts and humanities budgets??? My little dear, how will you take your Eng Lit degree now? You can't study the hard sciences, and you're not nearly pragmatic enough to earn a living after you graduate. I mean, I never intended you to work a day in your life. If you don't meet Mr Big Income, or Mr Royal, will Mummy and I have to fork out for your needless perusals of Shelley for the next twenty years? That seems deeply unfair, and we have been planning on retiring to the Caribbean for so long."

"No University for you, India, and damn the consequences. India? Oh my goodness, is that her, in her Cheltenham Ladies College blazer, with her arm around a man with Tartan trousers and dreadlocks, shanking a copper? Good god, little India has become a socialist while we weren't even looking!"

Middle class parents - I, Posie Rider, urge you to support the anti-cuts league, protect your daughter's futures! If she doesn't go to University somewhere like Oxbridge, Durham or St Andrews, and study a solid liberal arts degree, god only knows what could happen!



WE KNOW WHERE THIS SORT OF THING LEADS!

PUT THAT WOMAN DOWN!

And better luck this week, girls! Keep smashing, keep looking great! xxx

Why can't we have a bloody revolution? Why not?

Friends, the cuts are disturbing and regressive! And I must say, I've been very disappointed by your lack of revolutionary fervour. Parliament still stands, Cameron is unhurt and nothing, I repeat, nothing, is on fire.
Can't we have a bloody revolution like in The Dreamers?
I attach some images to inspire you!

Pt 4: The fact that there are no women in the tournament

No one ever talks about the FIFA Women's bloody World Cup do they? Why isn't that covered more in the media? Sexism, that's why.

Toodles! x

Pt 3: Racist World Cup Sexism

It didn't take long to spot another case of World Cup Sexism. This time, childish alcopop for infants WKD have charmed us with their 'women can't watch football' advertising campaign, of which I have found this shocking example.

A more shocking example, as yet not available on the internet (which recoils in disgust) says:

THE OFFSIDE RULE FOR THE LADIES: IF THE FLAG'S UP, IT'S OFFSIDE.

Pt 1: Sexism and the World Cup

In celebration of the 2010 World Cup, Lynx have launched a series of 'patriarch' posters, each depicting a 'buxom babe' in a familiar celebratory soccer pose. These will be running in several countries, with the respective flag of each waving in the background.

How RUDE! This really is the final straw. Everyone knows sports bras look nothing like this, and that the woman photographed is probably a model, not a real lady footballer.

Once again, when we were tucked up safely in our beds, snoozing away, dreaming of equality, sexism has struck. Never relent ladies: we must maiden on, never surrendering to the so-called 'hand of man'.

To rebel I have decided to monitor the World Cup in close detail - looking out for any slurs against female kind. I am ready to strike!!

Posie and Out x

A belated happy birthday to the pill!

IS FIFTY YEARS OLD (last week)

Whoops I missed a day or two.... (if you'll excuse the pun)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/sarah-boseley-global-health/2010/may/06/pregnancy-maternal-mortality

Tories threaten to disenfranchise non-middle-or-above class women, single parents and gays. HELP!

Merry Christmas indeed!

I've left the slushy doom of London for Hampshire with Aunt Lily. She avoided the dangerous roads by saddling her prize pony, Emily Davison, and sending her to the station to meet me - such a clever pony. I can't ride, unfortunately, having had a series of equine dreams as an infant which my psychoanalyst attributed to penis envy - since then, horses have always struck me as inherently patriarchal, even when ridden side-saddle. Emily courageously led me on foot through the icy forests to Aunt Lil's, and we've been sharing bottle after bottle of mulled Martini Rossi since Sunday night.

A couple of Christmas treats for you then, a la Posie. Firstly, Laura Dekker, a 14 year old Dutch female has been found on a Caribbean island after running away from sexist bureaucrats who have been trying to stop her achieving the world record for the youngest individual to single-handedly sail around the world. The record is currently held by one Mike Perham, a 17 year old boy from Britain, and apparently the authorities intend to thwart Ms Dekker until she's old enough for it not to be a record, or until a younger boy comes along who's able to beat her. Well sod off, cried Ms Dekker, as she escaped from her captors and sassily sailed off to the Caribbean, proving herself to be both physically and mentally capable of the trip, as well as a feminist icon in the making. We've heard of the plight of Shakespeare's Sister - but what about Sir Francis Drake's? Or Columbus'? Let her sail - Elizabeth I would have and how cool was she?

Secondly, Rage Against the Machine are Christmas number one! I've never heard of them before, I think they're some kind of funk band, but isn't it great? Better than last year's Christian fundamentalist rip-off vom fest.

Finally, three cheers for Melody who is the first woman to walk the Channel Tunnel alone without informing the authorities. She's text to tell me that last night she became so bored of waiting in Folkstone that she parked her Merc in a privet hedge, slipped stealthily, like a fox, through the barriers, underneath a high speed train and into the Tunnel itself. She's just resurfaced in Calais and, having only stopped once for a quick pee beneath a signal, is resting in a refugee encampment and sharing her story with local would-be travellers. So not only has she beat the system, she's also helping to overhaul the Anglo-French fascist immigration policy. You go Melody! She's hoping to make it to Rouen by the evening clinging to the underside of a HGV.

So, hope you have a lovely time and all my festive kisses to you, wherever you may be, as long as you're not a Post-Feminist!
xx

Esther Rantzen's Double Dealings - A Posie Rider Investigation

Ok so I'm now a journalist! Here's my first scoop - enjoy, be appalled, write a letter, torch a car! It's about CORRUPTION!!!


Esther Rantzen (TV star from such shows as, oh you know, Crime Watch or something, and general ageless gurner) has, as we all know, been campaigning to become MP for Luton South. Rantzen has sidestepped like a crab into the runnings following MP Margaret Moran's decision to resign after her embarrassing expense claims were revealed. Ignoring the blatant fact that it'll take more than a lute to save Luton (for lute read 'nuke'), Rantzen is planning a form of slash and burn in the wake of messy politicians, and has publicly called for greater transparency in parliament. Weirdly, however, Posie's prying has revealed that the clever minx is in fact the director of a series of complex secretive companies. Listed under her directorship is the eerily named, 'Jembex', which records show is a sinister Private Unlimited Company.

Now, not being an expert on banking, money, the law, or anything really (except feminism) I consulted Sharlene Spiteri (not real name) from Companies House, a sort of business museum on the river (next to a really nice pub). Huddled in the nice pub next door, and taking painful drags on her pastel blue Sobranie, Sharlene (this is a false name) was on edge as she told me the truth about Rantzen's dealings. Concealing her face with a russet pashmina, leaving only the barest crack through which to insert aforementioned Sobranie, she confessed that in the five years she had worked there she had only come across one other private unlimited company: "They are extremely rare," she said.

PUC's are unusual, she explained very slowly and a few times, because they don't have to file accounts. An obscure legal loophole, which, despite valiant attempts, Sharlene (real name Kate) couldn't quite enable me to understand, means that a PUC avoids any kind of public scrutiny by not filing records of how money passes in and out of it. It's like eating in the dark, she sighed, eventually. Now, this strikes me as very peculiar, seeing as Rantzen is attempting to rise to the dizzy heights of Luton supremacy on a platform of transparency (not a transparent platform, which would reveal altogether too much of Rantzen's private affairs (if she happened to be wearing a dress/skirt, which of course she might not be, even though she's a woman))

Interestingly, even though the company can obscure its monetary dealings from the worthy hack through legal skulduggery, it DOES still have to produce a register of shareholders. AND Jembex's shareholder list shows that other than herself, the only other shares in the company are all owned by Rantzen's three children: Jem, Bex and Will. Why Will? Because a second company - Wilcox productions - is also headed by Rantzen, but only has her children as shareholders. It allegedly is a production company, but my investigations prove that the only production it's invested in is the production of inherited wealth. What on earth is wrong with a nice simple trust fund? Aunt Lily never went through all this hassle and I'm doing just fine!

Achtung! Action for Archives.

Just a quickie, but I hope you'll help in the Action for Archives campaign! Academics, historians, literary types and other like minded intelligentsia are forming a campaign to stop bloodthirsty bureaucrats from pillaging The National Archives under the leadership of uber-bureaucrat and current Chief Plunderer of the Scroll Natalie Ceeney, who famously referred to libraries and archives et al as 'The Knowledge Industry'. My brain just cracked a little, I hope yours did too.

Please keep abreast of the activities of these zesty guardians of knowledge at www.action4archives.com and look out for their upcoming petition. Examples of depressing monetisation tactics at the expense of public services and the pursuit of truth to sign your name against include laying off specialists while rewarding management with pay increases, introducing parking costs, stopping access to microfilm records and reducing opening times.

They will be stopped and given a talking to and will mend their ways.

National Orgasm Day!

Anne Summers is trying to sell us more sex toys by drawing our attention to the fact that couples use dildos too. "But at what cost?" I hear you ask. I refer to the following:

"The results from a poll of Ann Summers' customers dispels the common myths that sexual exploration is a personal pursuit, and reflect a new togetherness about achieving satisfaction that celebrates the unparalleled enjoyment of sex in loving partnerships."

Well, Ann Summers (or is that MRS Ann Summers) discriminate against the sexually liberated single woman, why don't you?

In protest, I suggest that we all do NOT have orgasms today. This is as bad as racism! Put your clitori to work gals and keep your legs closed at all times.

Posie and out
x

Miss England...oh dear I don't know what to think.

Ok, so Rachel Christie has become the first black Miss England, and I don't know WHAT to think.

On one hand, she's a formidable woman: an accomplished athlete (like her uncle, Linford Christie) who's struggled through a difficult childhood (father fell into crime etc) to burst through the white bastions of Miss England and "to show people, the younger generation especially, that you can do something positive with your life." She's also 5'10", which is awesome.

On the OTHER hand, Miss England, like all beauty pageants, is an outdated parade of female bodies which carelessly objectifies young women.

Should we really be inspired by these sorts of competitions? Prowess on the track is something to be proud of, and in this Male interview Christie says that it is this drive to support herself as an athlete that encouraged her to seek a legitimate modelling career on the side through Miss England. But I have to ask, isn't flaunting one's fortunate bone structure in order to be ranked above other women a high price to pay in order to support yourself, however much you care about your career?

I just don't KNOW. You see, I really am happy for her. I would like to draw something inspiring from this event. I mean, if Miss England must go on, it's surely better that the sorts of women who win it are competent in other aspects of their life, have careers and ambitions, and don't fit the godforsaken whiteblondebigboobedairhead stereotype.

And what's worse, the runner up, Lance Corporal Kat Hodge is, you guessed it, a soldier. Here's a picture of her holding a bloody great big gun like Tank Girl (with flawless eye make-up, may I add). I mean...I'm a pacifist and everything but...oh God she's a woman holding a gun how can I NOT like her? And did you know she received a commendation for bravery when a punched an Iraqi insurgent who'd just snatched two guns from her truck and was threatening to kill her. Scream!

I'm sorry, Object girls I'm with you, but I just can't help but like these women. If Miss England carries on bestowing grace on women of undue merit, I'm afraid I'm going to go over to the other side. I might even enter, I've definitely got the thighs for it.

I suppose the real test is whether they'll ever get round to giving the award to an outstanding woman who doesn't happen to be gorgeous...

And Finally...

Two great reasons to remind me why I'm leaving the country and leaving the lot of you in this sink hole...

Melanie Phillips of the Daily Male in "The collapse of sexual norms has destroyed the bulwarks around marriage. And the gay rights agenda is very much part of that process." scandal! The Harpie thinks:

A liberal society should be tolerant of gay people. It is good that social attitudes are now far more relaxed. People's sexuality should be an entirely private matter and should not be the cause of prejudice or, worse still, aggression towards homosexuals.

But is the gay rights agenda really about tolerance, or is it about trying to stop heterosexuality being the behavioural norm?

Posie Rider slits her wrists in newspaper bigotry depression scandal. Read the full article at their website if you, like me, no longer want to live in this country.

Also, Emma Morton of The Sun warns that chaps are doomed because boffings have managed to culture little spermies in petri dishes for baby-grabbing women to harvest instead of putting up with years of tedious, soul-snatching 'bonding' with a man (aka sperm in a stick) before you can convince him to impregnate you.

Morton warns that this sort of madcap science could soon make men 'redundant'. Ha ha! I say sod off boys! I never liked them anyway.

Fuck off Fedora! I cocking love Venus and Serana Williams

Look, I find Wimbledon incredibly boring, but even I could put aside my frightful memories of school girls tennis (where I first experienced the joy of menstrual blood soaking through a white skirt) to enjoy this weekend's Ladies Finals, and the incredible display of skill, dedication, and downright female bloody brilliance exhibited by the Williams sisters.

Let's put reigning champion Serena against Fedora next year and see who wins, eh? My money's on Serena. And how about not making the Ladies Final the penultimate Saturday spectacle, followed by the terrible climax of the Men's on Sunday? Why not give these athletic stars the triumph they deserve, rather than upstaging them with 'men'? Oh, because you're a chauvinist, Wimbledon. I see.

Hoo-bloody-rah!!

Direct Action - Better than a slap in the face with a cold bikini

How great is this? Feminist 'fundamentalists'(so due for a heat! style neologism, howasbout femdamentalists?) crash and SMASH their way through Miss University back in March. An oldie but a goodie, and tres apt to see us through another week when clearly nothing very great is going to happen for women...again.



And here's the science. The title of this video itself is appalling - Plain Jane Feminist vs Sexy Student - obviously chauvinists have learnt the arts of YouTube. Besides the fact that our feminist on the panel, Lizzie, is perfectly attractive enough to satisfy MY standards, what on earth has that got to do with her objections to the contest? Seeing as pretty 'Sonia' is training to be a law student, she makes a very unconvincing argument. And that's not because she also happens to be conventionally attractive: I've seen Legally Blonde - don't stop dreaming sisters!

Daily Male, leave our children alone!

Check this out, if you dare.

What do you do if your daughter is obsessed with slimming at just SEVEN? asked one yummy mummy to Femail, the feminine face of the Daily Male, who are basically a harem of harpies gorging on the skins of young teenage Tesco workers somewhere in a bucket in Kent.

Rejoined Female: why not let us take photos of you in tea dresses while you accuse society of corrupting your slim cherub, then we can feature it as top story on our website while we simultaneously:

a) laugh at 'fat' actress Kirstie Alley

b) laugh at close up photos of Kirsty Gallacher's shoes

c) admire Anne Hathaway's shapely thighs

d) ogle some topless photos of Nazi prostitutes

e) ogle Kim Kardashian's shapely bottom

f) look at some supermodels

g) reveal Katy Perry's control pants

h) admire Liz Hurley's legs

i) reclaim 'ugly' Susanne Boyle by digging up pictures of her as an almost tolerable looking 20 year old

j) ogle 16 year old 'stunner' Miley Cyrus

With a mother who's willing to you into a splash eyebrow-furrowing feature as a feather in the 'worthy cap' of the riotously anti-female Femail, where else is a young gal to look but to the society of the spectacular blue eyeshadow for role models? Female - with friends like you, who needs frenemies?

A very thin model DOESN'T get an award!

One of final 30 contestants for Australia's Miss Universe, apparently. Eeep!

The Guardian, as usual, has something to say about it.

As does the Daily Male: " 'She's Macedonian,' said one official. "

On Model Mayhem, her agency's profile, her friends have rallied to her support. Ella B says:

"Hey Stephanie, you are absolutely beautiful - ignore the media; they are corrupt in so many ways. (What's the bet the story was started by a very jealous female journalist/reporter?) The media are the ones who look bad in all this; the public and
yourself know that you are healthy, fabulous and stunning."

Hmmm, jealous journalist? Ella, per-lease. I'm basically a journalist and I spent a morning waiting for a friend while she got rejected from various modeling agencies. One thing I noticed was the models I did encounter were frankly funny looking. I don't understand why being a model is supposed to be a desirable trade, or is seen as some kind of skill. I frequently get 'talent scouted' when out in Covent Garden, and am met with appalled looks when I walk away disinterested. As far as I can see, the only thing you need to do to be a model is to stay awake. And we all know how difficult that is!

I digress. What I really think about this issue is - poor duck! Can't we feminists bring ourselves to humanise the super skinny too? I mean, she is so thin! This media outcry is like shooting an eel in a bucket. I am desperately in favour of girls not being pushed into cycles of self-loathing due to exposure to unobtainable body shapes and their normalisation, nay, valorisation. But Stephanie Naumoska surely is the exception, not the rule? And it's not like she won the competition...

Oh sod it, what did we expect from an all-female beauty contest? There's no way these forums can be used to promote positive role models of any size, and no body shape is 'normal' - we're all different sisters!