The worst jobs in the world for Women? Posie Rider investigates...

Lady readers! I must apologise for my absence of late. I've been incredibly busy drafting A Year off the Ward, which looks set to be published but only on the condition that I first pen a serious exploration of the dumbest jobs for women in the UK. I know what you’re thinking

“This is Posie Rider- a middle to upper-middle class urban haute bourgeois lady writer with a trust fund large enough to purchase a small African country- why would she be writing an article on air-head jobs for women?”

Well readers, that’s kind of the point. The piece is designed to be incredibly shocking, namely because of my hostile reaction to employment opportunities miles beneath my superior intellect. For instance last week I spent a whole three days working in a ‘PR’ company in the ‘HR’ department, which mainly consisted of me ordering Marks and Spencer’s mince pies online and emptying packets of ready salted crisps into little bowls to go with the ‘dress-down Friday’ bar that opens each…Friday. God it was hell. My incredible brain hadn’t been so distressed since I got a B in my Art A-level. Those of you who have had the honour of seeing my incredible artistic offerings on this blog will know that such a claim is totally unfounded and the equivalent of stealing an ice-cream from a small child playing in the sunshine and possibly flashing your genitalia at her: perverted and wrong.

This week I’ve been working in an supposed ‘organic’ kitchen, which I thought would be a more pleasant pursuit, but how wrong I was (my toilet cleaner is more organic than the contents of their culinary offerings). When embarking upon a recipe for Sorrel, Leak and Venison soup I was rudely told to put down my chopping knife and start preparing some egg and cress sandwiches. Egg and cress sandwiches! This was a shop on the high street in Holborn (I sought a position in Borough Market but needless to say there were none available - sigh) but even in this run down cafe I was most shocked by the substandard eating habits of the masses. Next week I’m going to be a receptionist at a hair salon where, in order to fully embrace the role, I am required to peruse those awful publications that go by the name of Heat and Grazia.

However, once again (as with most of my literary purists) I do all this all in the name of great art. For upon completing this terrible article I have been guaranteed publication of my ground-breaking A Year off the Ward.

I (often) feel like a female Jesus! It really is too too much to bear the weight on womankind, and yet I go on... Toodles! x

Vagina Doughnut!

Great news culinary enthusiasts! My good friend and accomplice, Ms Chloe Mona Ivy Head, has produced for my, and your, delight, this sublime VAGINA DOUGHNUT EXTRAVAGANZA. As well as being an inventive chef and feminist, she's also an excellent artist, creating Giottoesque renditions of Bacchanal women in states of religious exaltation over those objects sacred to all womanhood: the bottle of Gin and pint of Cider. All hail!

Which brings me to make a little confession. You may note how this pastry-tastic pussy is extraordinarily life-like, and you'd be correct. It's modelled from life. Mine.


YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wallpaper

ALERT ALERT! I am finding it extremely difficult to locate some of my old friend (see left) stateside.

Oscar Wilde once said that America was a violent country because its wallpaper was so ugly. Well I say it's because they don't have the sweet nectar the colour of my womb. AND I might add that there is another book also about wallpaper MR WILDE which I suggest you consult, 'tis called The Yellow Wallpaper (by Charlotte Perkins Gilman) and it is about female depression and psychosis. The tale is actually based on the life of my great great grandmother, Beatrice Rider, who accidentally shot herself in 1889. The body was found by my great Aunt Lilly who now has a severe aversion to wallpaper, especially of the yellow variety.

The hunt continues... Not that I need Martini Rosso you understand, I mean I am totally over my break up with Martin. You might think it strange that I'm addicted to a drink that starts with his name, but reality is a social construct and that is your opinion.

Anyone say Merkin?

I guess this wouldn't do for Wollstonecraft's vagina cakes? he he he. Me and Melody Wittengstien had so much fun that summer x

Vagina Cakes!

In honour of my new friend Roberta, I am posting these pictures of Posie's Vagina Cakes!
These were some crazy ones I made (Melody Wittgenstein had a roller skating party a few weeks ago and I made some funky ones). They were delicious! Guess what the hundreds and thousands are for? And this time a clitoris!
Will keep you posted on on my Mary Wollstonecraft ones... Toodles x

UMMMM YUMMMMY!

I spy with my little eye... A Vagina!

In Chocolate Shops...

I found this fabulous vagina chocolate today and bought a whole box for Aunt Lilly! They are delicious!

You can purchase the beauties at Sweet Rage, or moulds to make your own at Confectionary House!

Not a 'snatch' on my trademark vagina cupcakes though!

Vagina Cake

Hi Gals! It's christmas time and as a little treat I'm sharing my special recipe for vagina cake! It was passed down through generations of the Rider family, I learnt it from my Aunt Lilly on the day I got my first period!



Posie's Recipe for Vagina Cake
Don't forget you need a Vagina to make these, else the recipe won't work (no boys allowed!)

Ingredients
110g (4oz) butter or margarine
110g (4oz) caster sugar
2 medium size eggs
75g (3oz) self-raising flour, sieved
2 – 3 drops Dr. Oetker Natural Vanilla Extract
Dr. Oetker Baking Cases

For the icing
75g (3oz) unsalted butter
175g (6oz) icing sugar
warm water

MIXED TOGETHER WITH 2 DROPS OF PINK FOOD COLOURING (this is very important lady readers!)

Vaginal Decoration
Sieved icing sugar
RED / PINK FOOD COLOURING

Pre-heat oven to 180ºC/350ºF/Gas Mark 4. Place the Baking Cases into a cupcake tin.
Well done - you've completed the first task (have a gin and fizz!)
Cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. (how cute!)
Gradually beat in the eggs and the buter and stuff, if the mixture starts to curdle, add a little flour.
Fold in the remaining flour with a metal spoon. Put in one drop of PINK FOOD COLOURING AND STIR. (yummy!)
Place spoonfuls of the mixture into the Baking Cases and bake for 15 - 20 minutes until well risen and firm to the touch. Remove from the oven and leave to cool on a cooling rack.
Take a sharp knife and cut a circle out of the top of each cake at an angle about 1cm (½ inch) from the edge.
Cut each circle in half and set aside.
Fill each cake with the butter and stuff. (Vagina City- here we come!) Place the butter AND TWO DROPS OF RED FOOD COLOURING in a bowl and beat until soft.
Gradually sift and beat in the icing sugar.
Mix in STRAWBERRY Extract and enough milk / water to make the icing fluffy and spreadable and use as above.
Place two half circles of cake on top to resemble THE LABIA.
Dust the top of each cake lightly with the sieved icing sugar.


Well done lady readers, or should I say chefs! you have created an authetic looking vagina that you can eat even if you're not a lesbian (or a man). LOVE YOURSELF and a merry Posie Christmas to each and every woman!