Saw this and thought of you all!

By the way- do you know Martini Rosso only contains 7 calories a gram?


Toodles!

Me Tim and My Quim being filmed on location in London

Great News everyone! Matthew is getting on a plane to come to London AS I TYPE! I am so excited. 'Me Ted and My Head' aka 'Me Tim and My Quim' has been going swimmingly over in LA and now they're starting to shoot on location in North London.

Apparently they want the real Emmeline Pankhurst (my cat) to perform one of the action scenes (rather than her body double). She's quite up for it! It's the bit where I go at him with a carving knife and Emmeline holds him down with her claws, trying to strangle him with her tail.

Me, Tim and my Quim: the Soundtrack

Hey gals! I thought in honour of Me Tim and My Quim, aka Me, Ted and My Head going into production I'd post some music videos of the songs that inspired the movie! Yay! Here's one of my favourite classics from Shakespeare's Sister (from Virgina Woolf no doubt). PLEASE WATCH IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

My love for Tim often felt like the battle between the good and bad. It felt a lot like this video, only Tim didn't wake up in my arms, he was in a coma for several months actually. Melody once told me that when I get angry I actually have the same mad look in my eyes! Watch it, you'll see what I mean...

Update: Me Ted and My Head (Tim and My Quim)...

News from LA!

Matthew is apparently LOVING the script. He and Cameron Diaz (the leading Lady- who remains nameless in honour of 'Rebecca', although bears a striking resemblance to moi-self) rehearsed the first sexual psychotherapy scene yesterday.

It's the session when I, sorry, I mean 'the heroine', throws an electric vibrator into a fish tank, electrocuting the fish. It was really funny because when Cameron threw it in the tank the water went everywhere and Matthew got wet!

He is growing a moustache to get into the part (Tim had a beard you see, before I shaved it off when he was sleeping).

Matthew McConaughey

Hi gals! Me, Tim and my Quim (aka Me, Ted and my Head) is finally going into production this week in LA. They're also going to be filming on location in N1! I am SO excited. Here's a little video of Matthew, who pays the lead Ted, to get you in the mood!

PLUS I have a date on Tuesday with Martin. To think only a few months ago I was sectioned and now look at me!

I expect Newsnight Review will want to do an interview. I shall refuse of course (I hate you Kirsty Wark).

Excerpts from the novel 'Me, Tim and my Quim'

My debut novel! Published by Random House, it's soon to be made into a film under the bastardised title 'Me Ted and my Head'. Even the potential casting of Matthew McConnaughy in the leading role may not be able to save their re-writing from shabby audience grabbing guff, so I've decided to treat you to extracts from the unpillaged original...

(pp.25-26)
A week had passed since my last meeting with Tim, a week of turning and twisting myself into knots in bed, of damp sheets wrapped around my insomniac legs like fabric worms or worse, snakes. In daylight hours paranoia overwhelmed me. I'd stopped speaking to my friends, my publisher; my answering machine was backed up with unheard messages like menstrual blood behind an unchanged tampon. The fridge was bare of all but a jar of capers, some Tesco Finest chutney, a microfilm bag full of cracked black pepper blinis and a soggy lettuce. The night before I went to see Ted, I ate the capers with the chutney and lettuce on the blinis and was very nearly sick.

That oh too familiar dawn light came seeping through my eyes many hours before I was to see him, dripping gulf streams of fear through my cavities. All I could see were his eyes, were they blue? Green? In this light (this light was my mind also) everything seemed grey, even my timid streaks of legs on the grey bed sheets (they really were grey, with blue sequins on, which seemed grey but were actually of course blue).

The room in which he saw his patients - sepia

Me - grey

The window behind his desk - opal

Me - grey

The coarse skin around his fingers - pink

Me - grey

His name his face his lips his brave hands oh Daddy - gold

My mystery my mystery my mystery my mystery

I had felt him touch me as he walked behind me in the consulation room, I felt him touch my neck (I think) and I should have been mad with rage And I was And I liked it.

Posie's Appeal

Ok I've calmed down now with a bottle of gin and a horlics. But this can't go into production: its an entire misrepresentation of the very meaning of 'Me Tim and My Quim'! That novel was my life's work and if Paramount think I'm going to just take this lying down (like a Post Feminist) they are highly mistaken.

I've already called my solicitor friend Henry who works at Freshfields and apparently I don't stand a chance in hell of stopping production because I sold the rights. But I think Fred is slightly wounded by my rebuff: he proposed back in 1999 but, alas, I refused him. It would never have worked- he was a lawyer, I was a woman.

My friends still insist that he never actually offered to marry, that he was simply playing around with a Hola Hoop and I didn't have my glasses on. Oh but I was not so blind as to not see that look of love in his eyes. It's all to make Fred feel better (whoops did I say Fred? I meant Henry. My solicitor friend is definitely called Henry. One can never be too careful when it comes to privacy over the internet).

So I don't know if I can trust Fred. Does anyone out there have an idea aboout how I might 'sort this out'?

I am so f*cking angry!

This you will not believe!

I have just spoken to the dithering, snake tongued little receptionist (probably) at Paramount who has informed me that APPARENTLY they have found it necessary to change the title of my novel to the absurd 'Me, Ted and my Head' in order to attract 'a wider audience'. Apparently modern audiences are unable to deal with the psycho-sexual problems of Women, they've decided to cut most of the sexual content altogether and have turned my ("brave" - Femme Magazine, "achingly familiar and honest" - I've Lost My Arm!) novel into an anodyne chick flick!!
I am so f*cking angry!! I can't even write now.

Confused

I'm a little confused... The title on the first page seems to be wrong, it says 'Me, Ted and my Head'. I'm calling the studio.

Me, Tim and my Quim

So, readers, great news! I've just had a call from Paramount (Studios, America) about the movie; they're hoping to push ahead into pre-production soon, I'm not entirely sure what that means but they've asked me to have a look over the screenplay they've put together, just to check that I'm totally happy with it. I've heard so many writers complaining about production companies wresting artistic control from them as soon as they've bought the film rights, but in my case that has absolutely NOT been a problem. I guess it depends on the writer...

For those of you who haven't read Me, Tim and my Quim, I should give you the 'low-down'. It's a psychoanalytic tale about a woman, Rosie Pyder, who has a series of psycho-sexual 'break-downs' and decides enough is enough, so employs a psycho-sexual therapist, Tim, to help her work through her sexual and psychic problems. When the novel was first published, the title itself came under some very unenlightened criticism because of the titular use of the word Quim, which is totally NOT a taboo word and wouldn't have caused half as much controversy if it had been something like cock or sphincter. I was also accused of passing off verbatum a series of real life psycho-sexual interviews as fiction, but this is very naive. Of course the novel has autobiographical elements ('Write what you know', as Thomas Hardy said) but this is unavoidable, and lots of things in the novel are pure fiction. For example Rosie marries Tim, but this of course never happened to Jim and I.

Me, Tim and my Quim: The Movie

!!!

My Writing

I've told you I'm a writer.

"But where's the proof?"I hear you ask!

Unlike many writers, I do in fact have a two book deal with the Virago Press, and have been in collaboration with Persephone Books for many years. My publications to date include:

The Suffragettes - Why? ("Trite" - TLS)

Notes on the Diaries of Judith Coalstream ("Chick lit does the 1930s - jazz, jazz jazz!" -Cosmopolitan magazine)

Women: What's that all about? ("Better than a slap in the face with a stick" - Prospect magazine)

Me, Tim and my Quim - a Novel ("Pwoar, a groundbreaking debut - not bad for a bird" - Nuts)

I've sold the film rights to the last: I'm currently in talks with Paramount (who really want my artisitc input). It's only in the early stages, but some names have been bandied around! Cameron Diaz and, gasp, Matthew McConaughey (!!!) but you didn't here it here (on MY blog) ok? I'm trying not to get too excited, but I promise to keep you posted.

I am an avid writer and unwilling to rest on my laurels. I'm currently researching my latest historical endeavour - "Put That Woman Down!" - charting the development of the Feminist movement from the Ancient civilisation of Ur, through to the 1970s.

A grand endeavour, you might rightly say!

I think it's important for Feminists now to constantly re-examine the past, to trace continuities where there were none before, to go where no WOman has gone before, or to go where women have gone before, but weren't allowed to speak.