16 Jan 2009

Birth control - who's controlling whoM?

I am bloody sick of of poor women being exploited by the pill! Take my poor friend Medoldy Wittgenstein. She called me in floods of tears this morning after she had forgotten to take one, and only realised the next day. She's a slightly irratic kind of gal and this happens more than Ihe'd like. Now I told her:

"Melody- you have to use birth control for the next week"
"Yes I know that Posie- I'm Fertile. I'm bleeding like a virgin for god's sake. But what else could this do to me? Will I bleed to death internally from the sudden break in the birth-supressing oestrogen levels? Will I suffer violent mood swings, how long will they last, will they damage me in the long-term? Will it effect my reproductive system or does it make me more susceptible to cancer?"

What could I say? Melody doens't know what the Internet is, so I thought I'd check online on the pill company's website. "Use extra protection for sex!" they screamed. OK, but I'm not only planning on having sex next week (or maybe not at all, we'll see!). There are other things I need to do. Like move around and read. And then I remembered I was doing this for Melody so thought I really should find a solution, because after all, when you're not fucking like a mindless automaton there are other things that missing this pill might threaten, like living a healthy life.

Obviously I could find no information either from the pill company, medical websites or on discussion forums. Now this is absurd. Plenty of women take the pill to improve their skin (girlfriends at school took it to reduce their acne) or to control abnormal period cycles (my friend who hadn't had a period in 3 years now menstruates normally thanks to the pill!) Surely patting us on the head and telling us not to go and get knocked up because, silly us, we forgot our pills (just like women!) is patronising and irresponsible.

Plenty of guys I know forget to wipe the toothpaste foam from their beards until lunchtime, or until I point it out. If it was up to them to control the birth rate by taking a tiny, infinitely forgettable pill every single day, there'd be more people than ANTS.

And that is a FACT.

I told all this to Melody who didn't really take it all in. She has gone to visit her vagina doctor.


  1. It would be "whom" and you're an idiot.

  2. Who's controlling whom? That might be the case if I was a vile American. I only communicate in the Queen's English (UK)

  3. Anyway, Miss Anony-MOUSE, why am I am idiot for wishing to know the medical consequences of missing my pill? Aren't you interested too?

  4. "Plenty of guys I know forget to wipe the toothpaste foam from their beards until lunchtime, or until I point it out."

    if I have a couple of coco pops on mine, it is a happy bonus, in army they had abrasives, in the toothpaste, with graphic, inserts, in the packet

    probably to stop us eating it, it was like greased metal dust,

    They had a visible plaque index graphic on the side of a helicopter, but I'm pretty darn sure that was like a placebo lecture,

    it may have been to stop us turning gay or something,

    I would have surrendered, but the enemy didn't have cable and Sweden was too darn boring a prospect.